एकादेशको कथा होइन यो
धेरै मनहरुको संघार
तिम्रो र मेरो पनि माया पिरती बस्यो जस्तो छ
गुहार… गुहार …
त्यसै त्यसै मुस्कान छाएको अनुहारमा
हर्ष यो, नयाँ गोरेटोको सुरुवात
लाग्छ तिम्रो स्वर सुनिरहउं जस्तो
मनमा न्यानो, उग्रपात
कता-कता चिन्तित पनि हुन्छु
नयाँ बाटोको यात्रा, के कस्तो अवस्था आइपर्ला
तर छ साथ तिम्रो, जे जस्तो आउला मज्जाले पचाइएला
तिमीसँगका दिनहरु सधैं उग्रचन्डि रैला
yours truly,
pagal deewana
Tears falling down your cheek
From a heart wrenched with anxiety
Happiness is momentarily
I am typing on my laptop till eternity
A ick in stomach
I feel sometimes
You are long for gone
But your memories are mine
Another day I wake up
Romanticizing life, but
In the traffic I have to stay
Listening “Violent Crimes”
It is not all bad, they say
My dear someday I too will forget your name
If life ends in old age, we shall be lucky
Until then, lets not take it too seriously of this funny little game?
Million mistakes I have made
Even in days with open eyes
Wrong I have been of things I was certain of
It be like that, repeated slogan, an ending line
Somedays are joyful, somedays pain everywhere
“this was written november 18, 2025. this might sound too sad, but I think poetry/art/ creation comes from a place of willingness to keep going, despite everything. I have turned 27 recenlty. It was weird to even say that. I hope to keep writing and keep experiencing and keep creating. What else one can do? “
“…That’s the way everyday goes
Every time we’ve no control
If the sky is pink and white
If the ground is black and yellow…” [1]
yelling through the speaker, I thought
How I dislike being stuck in traffic
Hundreds of cars in front of me and behind me,
journeying to their beloved destinations?
A car sweeps beside me.
Where are we headed, What is the rush?
What if all the cars stop working all at once?
How I wished my car could just grow a pair of wings, rise above the traffic and fly.
My mind saying, ” जति भएनि हुदैन “
Rummaging through the crap in my head, I caught a glimpse of her through the rear view mirror
Joyfully nodding her head, waving her hands, and lip syncing, maybe to her favorite song?
Her perfectly manicured nails with soft pink tint, elegantly rested on the steering wheel, simultaneously captured my eyes.
My nails I thought,
Damn!, my dry and bloody cuticles, desperately begging me to leave them alone.
! ! Honk 📣! !
[1] song lyrics used: Frank Ocean “Pink + White”
And one day, you’ll die,
Away from grandiose of this world, you’ll fly.
Nowhere to be found,
Except in the memories of others, you lie.
Your body is transformed into ashes,
Gulped by soil, now you are no greater than the grasses.
Yet some parts of you linger,
Amended into the cosmos where everything changes as time passes.
Maybe you have become the bark that covers the trees,
On a hot day, you might come as a gentle breeze.
Whatever the form,
Part of this cosmos you’ll forever be.
All of this is a play on words, a means to solace to a weak mind.
In some ways, I have chosen words to make me blind.
Whatever it might mean,
Maybe it is one of those things I will never find.
Maybe in one aspect of your life, you are free.
That could be having a crazy haircut that looks like a tree,
Or wearing capris at age 23.
Dedicating your whole life to studying bumblebees,
Or having a dream job of making pastries.
Could be leaving early out of a party,
Or dancing alone past thirty.
Eating rice with green tea?
Or disappointing everyone and moving by the sea.
Whatever it could be, doing so makes you feel carefree.
But I hope it is not constantly losing reality on LSD,
Or abusing people when drunk on whiskey.
Cheating, for a life of Gucci,
Or being a jerk because you can be.
I hope it is something that doesn’t leave you next day with debris.
In one aspect of your life, may you be free.
If you were able to read my mind
Thousand unspoken words could be mined
You’ll see the chaos behind the smile
Then you don’t have to walk another mile
I have drifted from myself nowhere to be found
Muddle up by many, I cannot hear my own sound
Lost in the unknown, all my unpleasant self is showing
My apologies, but I assure a better version of myself is growing
I feel like a feather right now, a zephyr could blow me
I dreamt of my mother cradling me, protected there as I will be
Right now, my situation has become a reason for her worry
Sometimes it’s just the way it is, Aama, you don’t have to be sorry
There will come a day when all will be over
Ending my chances of any start over
May it be peaceful after a long time of chaos
Because certain I will be as the statue placed inside a naos
Till then, you keep walking whether it is sun, moon, or monsoon
As it is not easy to dance to your own tune
It takes tremendous courage, to stand again on your own ruin
But one day doesn’t everyone have to get out of their cocoon?
Flowers flew by my side
Birds waiting for a ride
I plea, but down in the dead zone it resides
This skewed guide, choices wide
How am I supposed to decide?
High tides, broken pride
At myself, I deride
With my inner self I collide
To myself I lied
Distracted somewhere
My mind in constant divide
Yesterday again I cried
Free, yet I feel my hands are tied
Sleep deprived, an unknown cide
Still trying to find
Unwilling to bide
“White Ferrari” playing in my mind
My unstable 20s
I do my best to stride
Inspiration: White Ferrari by Frank Ocean
Today she died
I don’t know…
I have no where to go
No gods to pray
No place I can expect to meet her again
Nothing that can solace my pain
She died…
And I know
Because she will never ever be by my side again
Today she died
Maybe after all this is an alone ride
i see light shining through the little space of the blinds
closer and closer i get to the window the light gets dimmer
dissolving into the darkness outside my window.
quickly, i roll the stick to open the blinds
desperately trying to catch the dissolving light.
and all i see is the darkness of night.
not a single source of light outside my window.
pitch black, not even the moon and the stars
i walk back to my bed and suddenly, i hear quarrels.
every single person in the world complaining forming a sound
like a sound formed in school classroom when the teacher goes out of the class for a few minutes.
i hear people asking, do you have signal?
i reach to the switch beside my bed
no electricity
i walk to my phone which i had thrown across the room
no internet
loud quarrel quiet
my room surrounded with silence of dead zone.
enervated, i sit down, tears running down my cheek
tears of joy, a relief even for some hours
pitch black, i lay on the ground like the world has stopped and has stopped just for me.
no care, no thoughts, dead silence…
souvenir 