Author: ansu

  • O see

    O see, a cup of tea

    Ow! I got stung by a bee

    Somehow I ended up by the sea

    It’s not water, but an ocean of ghee

    All of a sudden it turns into 2D

    I am strolling in the 2D world, carefree

    *********************************************************************

    “A little laugh doesn’t kill any one”

    5 am, the beach, the dance

    “It’s a weird life, but it’s where I’m at right now” – Nick Miller, New Girl S2E4

    “You can go to my funeral but you can’t talk. My funeral is my time to shine” – Nick Miller, New Girl Season 1: Injured

    10 am, finish some homework if you get a chance

    “I don’t even have a ‘pla.’” – Phoebe Buffay, Friends S1E4

    “If my eyes were a camera, my mind, a half-opened book, and my ears free of wax so that I can listen lol” – Anshu

    2 pm, don’t be stupid and fall in love at a first glance

    “… after that I am on god’s good humor” – Jack Dawson, Titanic

    “What’s wrong with me? Ooh, don’t open that door. ” -Chandler Bing

    11 pm, on bed, I am dreaming about France

    *******************************************************************

  • Freedom

    Maybe in one aspect of your life, you are free.

    That could be having a crazy haircut that looks like a tree,
    Or wearing capris at age 23.
    Dedicating your whole life to studying bumblebees,
    Or having a dream job of making pastries.

    Could be leaving early out of a party,
    Or dancing alone past thirty.
    Eating rice with green tea?
    Or disappointing everyone and moving by the sea.

    Whatever it could be, doing so makes you feel carefree.

    But I hope it is not constantly losing reality on LSD,
    Or abusing people when drunk on whiskey.
    Cheating, for a life of Gucci,
    Or being a jerk because you can be.

    I hope it is something that doesn’t leave you next day with debris.
    In one aspect of your life, may you be free.

  • 2023 – I

    Earlier this year, I submitted this short story to a writing competition held by a literary magazine. This was the first ever piece that was more than 500 words and took more than a month to complete. Among my many unfinished businesses this year, this story was one of the few things that I sought out to do and sucessfully completed. Though it didn’t make it to the final shortlist, I’m somewhat content. I have a lot to learn. Anyways…

    memoriesDownload

    Song References: 

  • यस्तै हो दुई दिने जिन्दगी …

    यस्तै हो दुई दिने जिन्दगी
    हासे हास्दिने
    रोए रोइदिने
    खोला जस्तै बग्दिने
    बग्दा बग्दा अल्छी लाग्ला
    डुङ्गामा चड्दिने, फोटो खिच्दिने
    फेसबुक, इन्स्टाग्राममा नि हाल्दिने
    तर बग्दा बग्दा होला कहिलेकाहीँ पिडा
    याद रहला रमाउने दिनहरु फेरि आउला

    यस्तै हो दुई दिने जिन्दगी
    हल्का फुल्का पढ्दिने
    पाको बेला घुम्दिने
    गीत बजे नाच्दिने, लिरिक्स नाआएपनि गाइदिने
    चाहिएको भन्दा बडि नाटक गर्दिने
    राति कौसिमा बस्दिने, अँध्यारो आकाश तिर हेरिरहने
    चमेरोहरु खाना खोज्न उडिरहने
    यतिकै कसै कसैलाई सम्झिदिने
    यि सबै स्मृति भए अब, मस्तिष्कको कुनै कुनामा आनन्दले बसिरहने

    यस्तै हो दुई दिने जिन्दगी…

    Inspired from songs: Ashma & Bataseko Jindagi

  • Thank You!

  • mid-june

    If you were able to read my mind
    Thousand unspoken words could be mined
    You’ll see the chaos behind the smile
    Then you don’t have to walk another mile

    I have drifted from myself nowhere to be found
    Muddle up by many, I cannot hear my own sound
    Lost in the unknown, all my unpleasant self is showing
    My apologies, but I assure a better version of myself is growing

    I feel like a feather right now, a zephyr could blow me
    I dreamt of my mother cradling me, protected there as I will be
    Right now, my situation has become a reason for her worry
    Sometimes it’s just the way it is, Aama, you don’t have to be sorry

    There will come a day when all will be over
    Ending my chances of any start over
    May it be peaceful after a long time of chaos
    Because certain I will be as the statue placed inside a naos

    Till then, you keep walking whether it is sun, moon, or monsoon
    As it is not easy to dance to your own tune
    It takes tremendous courage, to stand again on your own ruin
    But one day doesn’t everyone have to get out of their cocoon?

  • उसलाई बाच्न मन छैन

    उसलाई बाच्न मन छैन रे

    के उसलाई अब डाँडा-काँडाहरुमा फेरि हिड्न मन छैन
    लामो हिडाई पछि आनन्दको थकाइ मार्न मन छैन
    चराहरुको चिर-बिर सुन्न मन छैन
    आफ्नो मोटरसाइकलमा सरर घुम्न मन छैन
    पठारमा बसेर फेरि सूर्यास्त हेर्न मन छैन
    हृदय छुने गीतहरु सुन्न मन छैन
    यो सुन्दर संसारमा नच्न मन छैन
    आफ्ना साथी-भाईहरु संग बसेर बादल माथि उड्न मन छैन
    आफ्नो बाबु-आमा संग बसेर खाना खान मन छैन
    आफ्नो मुटुको ढुक्-ढुक्कि सुन्न मन छैन

    तर आशा गर्छु उसले “मलाई बाच्न मन छैन” जिस्किएर भनेको होस्
    अहिले दिक्क लागेकोले जिन्दगीलाई दिएको घुर्कि होस्

    खै अब अरु कुरा त उस्ले नै जानोस्

    Something I wrote for a friend…

  • ताराहरु संगको कुरा

    अँध्यारो यो रात
    जुन ताराको यो साथ
    के हांँस्छौ ए चम्किला तारा
    के बन्छौ तिमी मेरो मनको साहारा?

    मलाई हेरि हाँसिरहेको छौ होला तिमी
    तर तिमी पनि बांधिएको छौ त्यो आकशमा
    घमन्ड नगर तिमी
    तिम्रो सुन्दरताको बयान निर्भर पर्छ मेरो आँखामा

    कहिले लाग्छ, मेरो जीवन पनि तिम्रै घमन्डले चलेको छ
    मेरो जीवन, आज छ भोली छैन, खोला जस्तै बगेको छ
    तिम्रो जीवन, अनन्त-अनन्त, लाग्छ चट्टान जस्तै अडेको छ

    तर तिमी पनि रुन्छौ आफ्नो अनन्त जीवनको अन्त आँउदा?
    लाग्छ तिमी म भन्दा नि बडि रुन्छौ होला
    तिम्रो अन्तमा आँसु झार्ने कोहि नहुंदा

    त्यस दिन सबै समाप्त हुने छ वा फेरि सुरुवात हुनेछ
    म जान्दिन, तर हेरन त्यसको कुनै अर्थ हुन पनि मेरो अस्तित्व हुनु पर्नेछ

    यो ब्रह्माण्ड, के मेरो लागी ?
    के म बिना यस्को केहि अर्थ छैन?
    त्यसो भए तिमी घमन्डि कि म ?

    त्यसैले यो रात तिमी र मलाई बराबर ल
    तिमी छौ त यो रात पनि यति सुन्दर छ
    म छु त तिम्रो प्रशंसक छ
    यो ढङ्ग न बङ्गको लेख छ
    तर साँची नै भन्नु पर्दा यो अन्धकार छ
    त्यसैले त हाम्रो मिलन छ

    अन्धकार आयो त तिमी आकाशमा देखिएको छौ
    यो रात आयो त म यो खाटमा पल्टिएको छु
    आकाशमा टिम-टिम गरिरहेको तिमीलाई हेरिरहेको छु
    तिमीसँग कुरा गर्ने मौका पाएको छु

    अब यो अन्धकार हिड्न आटि सकेको छ
    ऊ स्वार्थी छैन
    ऊ हिड्छ, उसलाई अरु कयौं साथीहरुलाई जो मिलाउनु छ

  • A day

    We sat on a bench beneath a colossal green tree. The weather, calm with the sun shining gently, bestowed a soothing warmth. Ducks playfully dipped in the green pond before us. An oddly bent tree, most of its branches submerged, stood resiliently, its main trunk unwavering.

    As I introduced myself, attempting to make a positive impression on our first meeting, the exact genesis of our conversation eluded my memory. I often found myself drifting into a state of distraction during our exchanges. On that particular day, it felt as if I were under the influence of some euphoric spell. Her voice resonated in my ears like a captivating melody, and although I was ostensibly attentive, my mind wandered. She shared stories about her childhood and college experiences, emphasizing resilience and the belief that time heals all wounds. I nodded in agreement.

    “Yeah, I agree with you.”

    “Ahhh.”

    “Ummmmm.”

    “I know, I.. I.. there was this time one of my friends… “

    I halted for a few seconds.

    “What?” she inquired.

    “Nevermind.”

    “What is it?”

    After a brief pause, I admitted, “One of my really close friends… umm… I guess, betrayed me.”

    “And…”

    “I don’t know, that’s it I guess.”

    “Why?” she probed.

    “Timing… maybe time. Timing was not right. It was…”

    While conversing, I lost interest in my own narrative. The words felt disjointed, and I disliked the direction of the conversation. It seemed meaningless, and I lacked the energy to conclude my thoughts. I gained no positive insights from the experience, merely mirroring her recounting of events—what happened, how I felt, and how it fit into my life.

    “Shut up. Shut up. Do you need to talk so much? Same fucking story again and again. Shut up,” a voice berated me internally.

    I felt a gentle shake on my arm, “Maya, Maya.”

    “Hmm… what?”

    “Then what happened?” she inquired.

    Her question left me bewildered.

    “What?” I responded.

    “You didn’t finish what you were saying. Are you okay?”

    “Oh. Really?”

    “I am sorry. I… is it okay if we stop talking for a little while?”

    She refrained from further interrogation, yet confusion marked her expression.

    “Okay.”

    “Thank you.”

  • 20s ft. going crazy with the rhyme

    Flowers flew by my side
    Birds waiting for a ride
    I plea, but down in the dead zone it resides
    This skewed guide, choices wide
    How am I supposed to decide?
    High tides, broken pride
    At myself, I deride
    With my inner self I collide
    To myself I lied
    Distracted somewhere
    My mind in constant divide
    Yesterday again I cried
    Free, yet I feel my hands are tied
    Sleep deprived, an unknown cide
    Still trying to find
    Unwilling to bide
    “White Ferrari” playing in my mind
    My unstable 20s
    I do my best to stride


    Inspiration: White Ferrari by Frank Ocean